I just finished babysitting my friend’s children, and she has most definitely mastered the no spanking/alternative discipline route. I always talk about taking it because I don’t believe in abusing children, but I’ve never personally seen it in action by a Black parent. Her children are 2 and 5 and they are the kindest, nicest toddlers I’ve ever met. They listen to her because she’s their mom and they automatically recognize she’s important and she gives them what they want (love and affection and rewards). In return they like to clean for her and give her artwork and cuddles all of the time.
To get them to listen to her, she makes sure to listen to them and what they’ve got to say instead of telling them to shut up all the time. The 5 year old asked her a few months ago why you can’t eat food that was on the floor after picking up food on the floor, and she explained it calmly and clearly. He asked 4 other questions after that and she answered all of them. He was satisfied and happy with the answers, and ever since he hasn’t done those things. She lets them gush and gush about Hot Wheels or Team Umizoomi and engages with them and counts with them and everything, so they never feel alone or neglected enough to not want to obey.
My friend lets them make mistakes by themselves on the rare chance they don’t listen so they can learn from them and let that be punishment enough. For example, the younger one we’ve been telling not to go near the dog cage because he doesn’t like dogs. He went near it a while ago, got his hand licked, freaked out, and hasn’t been anywhere near it since. The board on the wall that she uses has a column for each boy horizontally, and vertically are all the traits she wants them to have, like being nice, listening to her and their teachers, eating their food, cleaning up, having manners, etc. They get a sticker whenever they do it for the day, and they lose all their stickers when they break a habit. That’s enough punishment for them, so they don’t break it.
When they wake up, it’s cleanup time, or bedtime, she plays what she calls “musical habits”. She puts on a playlist of their favorite songs (it’s like 20-25 minutes) that make them feel motivated, and they should be finished getting ready or cleaning by the time the last song is over. If they’re not, they get a toy from their toy bin taken away or an Oreo from their snack bag taken out (aka eaten by her). But she hasn’t ever gotten to that because they always finish. They don’t even like hearing the consequences lol. And I just wanted to say I really enjoyed seeing good parenting by a Black woman that wasn’t abusive or harmful to the child’s development, it gave me inspiration and hope. Just had to talk about it somewhere.
not to be fake deep but gay culture is having a complicated, flawed relationship with the people who were supposed to be there for you. the blood relatives you refuse to come out to, the ones you regret being honest with, the ones who give you that sharp, knifeblade smile like they know they’re supposed to be fine with you being gay but fuck they’re upset about it
gay culture is finding a new family. rewriting the one that you lost. the sliding sideways glance of two people in a room “i got you”. replacing the bits of you that fell out and finding – oh, oh, this is what love was supposed to be, isn’t it, where i open my heart and the teeth don’t come out. where you can say “i need help” and a hand opens and not to take. a house, sometimes; more often just a series of shared spaces where cat-like you lounge with the weirdest people you’ve ever known, the most beautifully honest human beings who let you be weird too (they’re not actually weird, you realize one day, it’s just weird to you that they aren’t angry, and that idea makes you drop what you’re holding). no, we can’t talk honestly with our dads and don’t bother with our moms. we feel what is unsaid like a second person we carry with us, a hand over our mouths. it’s okay, and it’s not okay, and when it’s not okay, you say: i need a hug. and you get one, always.
If some of you are curious Hodge is doing better! He had a GoFundMe which is already closed but here his his message to the output of support:
Blaine here –
Let me start with this: the outpour of love and support from everyone has been absolutely overwhelming.
In a way, I feel as though it’s a dream, and I’m having a difficult time taking responsibility for my actions in the way that you are all describing. I only did what I would do, what I felt in my core that I am supposed to do, what was my responsibility. In turn, I am having difficulty accepting so much from you. This is why, after one week, my team and I have decided to disable further donations. I am good. I will be good. And I have faith in you. This money will be such a great help to me. I will be able to pay my rent for a few months, finally get a vehicle that I won’t be able to drive for a while, clear my debts, get a bed, put food in my mouth, and donate to the Jamison Center, where I spent too much time in my youth.
On that note, I need to turn the narrative to the big picture. Teach your boys to love and respect women, to take rejection as an opening door to the rest of their lives, to be comfortable in themselves and to hold the women in their lives as holy. This event, what happened to me and that woman in Starbucks last Sunday, this is what happens. This is the result of a man thinking he has the right to a woman’s life. This is the result of one person not taking the time to teach him what is right. Please, if you’d like to donate more: donate to a shelter, donate to the Jamison Center, donate your time and love to the young ones around you. Teach them. Love them. Thank you.
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If you still want to support Hodge he has a Soundcloud with his music, personally not my cup of tea but if you wish to support him and like his stuff go for it! And if you wish to donate to the Jamison Center I believe this is the one he talked out!
love galore 